In A Way, Disappointment Will Kill Me.

I’m not scared of

Never meeting you

I’m scared of having met you,

And letting you

In

I’m not scared of

Never meeting you

I’m scared of having met you,

And seeing you walk

Away

I’m not scared of

Never meeting you

I’m scared of having met you,

And watching your face in

Disappointment

I’m not scared of

Never meeting you

I’m scared of having met you

And seeing you react how I know you

Will

I’m not scared of

Never meeting you

I’m scared of having met you,

And catching sight of looks that can

Kill

I’m not scared of

Never meeting you

I’m scared of having met you,

And seeing you hate

Me.

They're Gonna Need Two Bodybags

I carry your heart with me,
As you carry mine with you
Where I go, you go
And vice versa
And what I do
Is done with you in mind
There is no need
No want greater
Than the want and need for you
Here,
With me.

I carry your heart with me,
As you carry mine with you.

My Silent Screams

My silence tried to tell you

Those words you never heard

It screamed that I'm sorry

But those whispers so hard to hear

They said, I will be the one

To hold you dear and keep you safe

From yourself.

The Cry of the Desperate Loli

Sometimes I feel the weight of the world;
and its so heavy that its bringing me down.

If every issue were a drop of water,
it'd form a sea, and I'm beginning to drown.

Sometimes I feel the weight of the world; 

and it builds up inside me, crushing me somehow.

From inside me, I feel the pressure build;

Physically and emotionally killing me now.

Sometimes I feel the weight of the world;

it disables me, keeps me from being.

And when I finally get the strength to look around,

I realise that what I'm seeing...

Is me, carrying it alone.

Midnight

Heart beating
start to sweat
close your eyes
try to forget
you've been here
three times before
but still you never
lock the door.

Pulse racing
cheeks warm
she flashes in
like a thunderstorm
then gone again
you mope in the rain
and hope she rolls
around again.

Breath ceasing
when you kiss
no ignorance
but lots of bliss
you know you've walked
this road before
but still you never
lock the door.

Ears ringing
judgement sways
you wonder how long
she will stay.
You hope if you
hold on tight
she'll stay with you
just one more night.

Voice catching
words fade
you cant find love
try as you may
you know you deserve
so much more
but still you never
lock the door.

I'm Past The Point of Reality

This isn’t me missing you.

This isn’t me wishing you were here.

This isn’t me hoping for love.

This isn’t me asking for approval.

This isn’t me craving your attention.

This isn’t me desiring you,

Because I do not know what you want.

Is it me?

Or are you going to toss me aside,

And prove them all right?

This isn’t me shedding my tears for you.

This isn’t me longing for you.

This isn’t me falling further for you.

This is me cursing them for being right.

 But

This isn’t me.

Be My Escape

I've been locked inside this house

Dying to get out

Trapped by many things,

Now you hold the key

I'm being held hostage,

Forced to live in this mess I've made

I've been holding on to doubt

And insecurity

I've got to get out of here,

I think I'm ready to show you

This might be the death of me,

Even though there's no way of knowing...

I'm begging you,

To Stay

You are my escape

I'm Losing My Heart to You

I've found myself realising a lot of things lately.

I realise that people are not simple. They aren't always what they appear to be. They are not black, nor are they white. They are the grey matter in the world, the uncertain variables that are neither dependent nor independent. 

I've also come to realise that I am not as simple as I thought myself to be. I say this because I thought myself to be one way, and have now come to see that I am the complete opposite. I thought I was heartless, as heartless as they get deep down to the core. This isn't so. I've grown to love someone so completely and utterly with every fiber of my being that I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. I don't know what's going on, I don't feel at peace. I feel like the only way I'll return to normal, return to my state of equilibrium, is to be in their arms, for that is the only heaven I will ever know. 

I've also been thinking a lot lately. Not about anything too important, I suppose. I've been thinking about masks. Why we wear them, how we make them, etc. Now, I'm not speaking of physical masks. I mean the masks we don each day, to hide some parts of ourselves that we may not be proud of.

I admit, I put on new masks each day, and hesitate to remove them. Not because I'm embarrassed or shy or anything, but because I don't want to get attached. Why get attached when nothing in life is certain? I don't want to let people know what I'm thinking, what really goes on in my mind. I shrug off their questions with humour and try to make it seem like I'm being coy or hard to get. I try to make it seem like I'm simple, oftentimes daft or uninteresting. Then I begin to realise that the masks have become me...

I need to get back to me.

I remember the last time I let my mask slip, though. Let my true self shine through, let my real opinions be heard. It was at Porter's, they asked us what we would do if we had control of the world, how would we choose to rule and what would be some rules we would give the people we ruled over. They didn't say it but they wanted us to know what we thought of when we imagined a perfect world. 

My answer was this: I said I wouldn't do anything, that man has lived life how they've wanted to, and if they didn't like it they killed. Not just their fellow men, but their leaders included, they erased the problem they saw, tried to perfect it. However, man is incapable of perfection, so I found little intelligence in their question. We cannot be perfect, but we can view our imperfections perfectly. This is how we find love, with ourselves or even with others.

I think this has been a long enough post, I should get back to my fanciful dinosaurs...

There's Nothing Wrong With Just a Taste of What He Paid For

She paints her face with close precision
Noticing the empty beer bottles,

Her mask goes up and on,
Another dollar another day

Give her a sign,
She wants to believe

That there is more than just tonight
That this is not all she is

She struts around busy streets,
Buyers come and go

One strikes her interest,
Perhaps it's his desperation

He pays her handsomely,
Down they go...(down the rabbit hole)

Their desperate lips meet,
Bodies, searching

For affection,
For answers

Finding none,
Finding all

I hope he got
Just what he paid for

This Is the Death of Beauty

 

I remember this song
I knew it well
Its sweet melodies
The soft harmony
Of this sole heartbeat
A pleasant symphony

I remember this song
I liked it just fine
Its promise of hope
And inevitable love
To make me feel
Truly sent from above

I remember this song
Its caring words
Swept past my ears
They made my heart soar
Made my mind come alive
And my body crave more

I remember this song
I know it well
Its harsh, swift strikes
Just nearly dodged
Beating...
The eye of the storm (The fusion of flesh)
T'was always pitifully fleeting

I remember this song
I hate it so much
Its broken promises
And depressing tunes
The hurt I felt
From seeing her with you...

I nearly forgot this song
Its stinging words
Stayed in my head
Ringing in my ears
And made me realize
My reality became my worst fears

I Hope You Catch a Cold From the Ice Inside Your Soul

I never fell in love with you.

I fell for your lies,

I fell for your embrace;

I fell for your voice

And the way you called my name.

I never fell in love with you,

I just fell.

I fell hard,

And hit everything on my way

Down.

I never fell in love with you,

I just fell.