Monday, November 29, 2010

Beautiful

I don't love you.
                                That's a lie;
But it's not.

                                I can't love you.
                                But I do;
So much Love.

I'm lying again.
                                No, stop that;
I'm being truthful.

I want to kill you;
                                Watch your sweet crimson,
                                Spill from your veins.

I'm just kidding,
                                Why would I want that?
I love you.

And you love me
                                But I don't love you.
                                                                I never have.

I just love watching you,
                                Your bloody corpse.
                                                                You've never been so
            Beautiful.

Friday, November 26, 2010

Fails R Us

I apologize
for being such a failure;
I should know better than to try
my absolute hardest.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Choices, Choices..

His voice calls to me
Makes me melt
Makes me wish that
Just maybe
He could be here once more


I love him
But I can't do this
At least-
I do not believe I can?


Because
There is another
Who only temporarily
Steals my heart
But could he be mine?


Is it possible that
Maybe, just maybe
He can occupy me,
Or is infatuation my master?


Sex
Or intellect?
Romance
Physical attraction?


Who will it be?

The First Chapter of a Story I Kind of Left Hanging....

Indistinguishable.

Bang! Thud, thud...thud, thud...thud.
I closed my eyes tight, trying to feign sleep. I hoped to God it looked like I was sleeping.
Knock, knock.
No, please...go away, I thought. Just leave Christina alone tonight, she hasn't done anything.
The door creaked open and I heard him stumble as he staggered toward Christina's bed.
"Babygirl...are you awake?" He asked as he shook her shoulder gently.
Leave her alone, please, just leave her be. See, she's sleeping already. Can't you see that? Just leave her alone.
He shook her a bit harder, "Babygirl, wake up now. Daddy needs you." He reeked of cheap liquor; I could smell it from here.
Stay asleep, please Chris...stay asleep.
Chris's eyes fluttered open, and she smiled faintly at our father, then she realized who it was.
He smiled softly at her, and that made me think that he wouldn't touch her tonight. Maybe tonight he had a conscience.
I was wrong.
"Babygirl...daddy needs you to do him a favor. Now, you know daddy loves you...well, he just wants to show you how much he loves you."
He reached for her shirt and she cowered away from his touch. He frowned at her, ripped her shirt from her body and slapped her. She whimpered as he began kissing her roughly on the mouth. Christina tried to push him off, but he was stronger, and grabbed her wrists as he bit her breasts. He tore off her underwear and thrusted inside her. She cried out in response, desperately trying to escape from him. She looked at me for help, pleaded me with her eyes to save her from the monster on top of her.
All I did was watch her suffer.
Watch as our father raped his 14 year old daughter right in front of her twin sister.
He's always been like this, since the accident I mean. The accident that took his wife from him. I guess he just wants to feel loved again.
Fucking sick bastard.

Father finishes, and quickly staggers out of our room, just barely wasting time to turn back and whisper, "I love you, babygirl. Sleep tight."
He deserves to go to hell for what he just did.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Ashes

                Damon was late, big surprise. It had been more than a year since she'd seen him, and he
couldn't even be on time. Then again, it was Damon...
                Shadow growled,  and pulled her sunglasses down onto the tip of her nose and surveyed the
dark alley, wondering where the hell Damon was. She tapped her foot impatiently, enjoying the clicking
noise of her boot on the sidewalk.
                Shadow was admiring the pure white skin of her slender arms, stretching them behind her
back as Damon appeared behind her and grabbed them, pulling her close.
                Shadow glared back at him, "You're late."
                "And your manners haven't improved, doll," he whispered in her ear before freeing her arms.
                "Damon, I was in Boston, not a finishing school."
                Her master smirked, chuckling a bit, "Ooh, now there's a fun little idea..."
                Shadow rolled her eyes before she pushed her sunglasses up to the bridge of her nose. Damon
cocked his head to the side, swiping the glasses from her.
                "Why are you wearing those ridiculous- Ah," Damon noticed her crimson red eyes and
nodded."You haven't been feeding, my lovely?"
                Shadow scowled at him, "I've fed plenty."
                "From blood banks, that's not even close to the real thing."
                "What the heck do you even want from me, Theo? My time's not up yet, I shouldn't be here.
This isn't fair."
                "Life is not fair, my darling. The sooner you learn that, the better. Anyway, I have a job for you.
Something only my little Shadow can do for me."
                "Details, Damon. Details." Shadow tapped her foot impatiently. She hated the way he called her
Shadow. You see, he calls her that because when she was a mere fledging she followed Damon around
everywhere like his Shadow. She used to think it was cute. Now that she realized Damon wasn't using it
to show affection, but to mock her, it wasn't so "cute" anymore.
                "A powerful vampire went missing last week. I want you to go retrieve his ashes from the
vampire hunter that murdered him."
                Shadow eyed her maker curiously, "Who went missing?"
                "Raven..."
Shadow froze. Raven was Damon's maker. They'd been through everything together. How could
someone have killed him? He is the king of Brooklyn.....well, was.
                "Oh...I'm sorry to hear that. Erm, I'll take the job." She smiled at him a bit and he smiled back.
He pulled her close and brushed his lips against her own. Shadow's eyes widened. If she could blush, she
would have been cherry red.
                Damon laughed, "I knew it. You've always fancied me, haven't you?"
                "Shut up," the girl looked up at him, snarling.
After Damon gave her the little tidbits of information needed to track the hunter, Shadow left. She
couldn't bear to look at him anymore; it hurt too much. She hated him almost as much as she loved him.
                Shadow sighed as she stepped off the city bus, looking around. The hunter lived in a ritzy
neighborhood. It was obvious he got paid for killing vampires. She singled out a particularly fancy
apartment complex and sprinted towards it.
                "Let's just get this over with," she muttered. Shadow slipped into the building behind a man no
older than 23 with a strong build and, in her opinion, a handsome face. It's not every day you find an
attractive human, she mused.
Shadow tensed when she noticed something in her peripheral vision. A mirror was hanging on the wall
of the lobby. The man in front of her was reflected while she, on the other hand, was not. She quickened
her pace, practically running to the stairs. Damn, she thought, I have to be more careful. As she reached
her goal, she noticed the man was staring at her strangely. She looked, giving him her best New Yorker
glare. She almost got lost in his chocolate brown eyes. He seemed to catch her vibe, because he turned
away and hurried into the elevator. If this guy is living the life in style, he's probably residing in the
penthouse, Shadow thought. She sighed as she ran up the seemingly endless flights of stairs. She
actually felt a little spent when she reached the top.
                Shadow felt a dull pain in the pit of her stomach, probably because she desperately needed to
feed. She pushed that thought to the back of her mind. After this I'll make a pit stop to the blood bank,
she decided as she turned the knob to the apartment, pushing the door open with her foot. She took a
few steps inside hesitantly, and then it all went black.
                "Awaken." A deep voice commanded. Shadows eyes sprung open and she winced in pain. She
was kneeling in front of thousands of bright florescent lights. The girl squinted and looked around, her
eyes immediately locking on to the dark figure in the corner of what appeared to be the study. He
stepped forward so his face was illuminated by the lights, the corners of his mouth were turned up in a
playful smile. He was wearing her sunglasses. Shadow tried to lunge at him but found that her arms and
legs were chained down with silver. Was he the vampire hunter that killed Raven? She was afraid to find
out.
                "Who are you?" Shadow glared at him, pulling on the chains. She winced again as her flesh
burned under the silver.
                "Are you here to seek revenge on my father?" His lips were pulled into a thin line, his expression
grim. "If so, he's away for the next month or so. I'm here if you'd like to leave him a message, though."
He clicked a button on the small remote control he held in his hand and another set of lights turned on.
Shadow looked down and closed her eyes, everything burned.
                "Your father's a vampire hunter?"
                "Yes. He's trained me well, has he not?" The man's tone was mocking; he was enjoying this.
Shadow gulped as she heard his footsteps grow closer.
                He chuckled, "Are you afraid?" His voice was in her ear now, and she felt the blade of a knife on
her flesh. He pressed the knife against her neck, making a thin slit. Shadow's tongue danced behind her
lips as the dull pain in her stomach grew. His blood smells amazing, she thought, if only I could have just
a little taste....
                Shadow bit down on his neck and began drinking his sweet plasma. The crimson liquid burned in
her mouth. The young hunter grew limp, and she took this opportunity to yank her hands and legs free.
She pulled away from the man's neck and set him down on the floor.
                Now, if I were an urn, where would I be hiding? Shadow pondered a moment before taking a
wild guess. Under the kitchen sink. She shuddered as she walked in the direction of the kitchen, but
something caught her leg. She looked back and sighed, the cute guy was moving again. Yay. He pulled
her leg, pinning her to the floor under him. She dug her nails into his arms, biting his shoulder. Fine, she
thought, I'm going to have to drain you then. She began to drink again, rolling over on top of him. He
squirmed under her, but she kept a firm grip on him. She could feel him getting weaker.
                Shadow paused. What am I doing? This isn't me. She pulled away and the hunter fell
unconscious. She stood and went over to the kitchen, opening the cupboard under the sink. What do
you know? There were the urns with all the ashes of every vampire the hunter and his son have ever
killed.
                "Oh wow. That's kind of morbid," she said to herself as she pulled a few out. She looked
underneath each one. None of them were Raven. She pulled out another urn, the bottom read 'Raven
VI.' She smiled, hopeful that Damon would be happy with her for completing her mission. Oddly enough,
though, Shadow didn't really care. He didn't give a damn about her, so why should she?

                "Bravissima, my lovely," Damon clapped when she presented Raven's urn.
                "I quit, Damon. I'm done working for you," Shadow said simply as she turned and walked away.
                "Where are you going?" Damon asked, but didn't come after her.
                "Back to Boston," she  smiled.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Bleed Rainbows for Me

Ali smiles as she squishes her toes into the sand, the sun bathing her tan skin. She hears footsteps, turns around. She's grabbed, groped. Her mouth is bound and gagged.
She is scared. She is high.
She is alone. On a deserted beach.
She is just 12.
They blindfold her, she hears them speak her name. There are three, maybe four.
"Alone?"
One grunts.
"Ali, right?"
"Oh yes...," says another.
Ali cries out. Her face is slapped. More groping. Grabbing. Squeezing. Her clothes are torn. She blushes, squirming under them. She's sucked, bitten. Never kissed. Never stroked. Never carressed.
Why? Why her?
She is pinched, pulled, smacked. Spanked?
She whimpers but that urges them on.
One inserts himself. She cried out, tears welling in her eyes. Bood falls and he is commended. 
"Lucky bastard! How tight is she?"
He laughs, unrelentlessly pleasuring himself.
Ali is now sobbing. They continue. Another inserts himself from behind, more blood. She needs to go to the hospital.
She needs help. Needs to be saved.
No one comes.
They switch. On and off for hours. Seemingly endless hours. She's still crying by the time they finish. She hears panting. She mumbles. 
The last noise she ever makes.
One pulls out a switchblade. Slits her throat.
They throw her body into the ocean. Walk away smiling, satisfied.

Ali was a foster child. Her parents dead from overdoses. Her foster parents hate her. Hated.
Ali's body was never identified.
Never missed, either. 

Saturday, November 20, 2010

But Still She Smiles

She smiles
Handed a cup of happiness
Brings it to her lips
About to take a sip
It's stolen from her
Ripped from small hands
She cries out
Reaching for the cup
It becomes intangible, unreachable
Tears run down her flushed cheeks
She becomes angry, frustrated
Lashing out at her perpetrator
He lashes back, hard
Throwing glass words
They shatter
Shrapnel falls all around her
Slice her flesh
More words are thrown
They seep into her cuts
Infecting
She cries once more
From the pain
He smiles; content
She curls up
Diseased
She whimpers;
Slowly
Painfully
Dead inside

But still she smiles 

Let's Chalk Another One Up for the Emo Corner

Tears fall from stinging eyes
He carves her name
His love
 B-R-I
He smiles, wincing
He feels no physical pain
He hears her
Feels bruises left by her
Mother?
She spits acidic words
They burn him
From inside out
He hears him
Father..
His dull words carve out holes
In his cracked, bloody heart

He hears his love
Her words of kindness
Shill he carves
His legs, bloody
Begin to hurt, ache
A-R
He smiled
His hard work complete
A masterpiece
She is forever with him
His parents, still
They hurt him
Is this love?
They hurt him
Their venom
Their words
Run into his blood
Through weak veins
Straight to his heart

He curls up in her arms
Her warmth
He shivers; frozen
Is her warmth enough?
Her lips smile
Her eyes cry
Her heart breaks
Bleeds for him
He is her life
Her home
Her heart
Venom reaches his heart
His flesh
Freshly-laid snow
A gothic winter wonderland

She cries
Slumped over
Holding her still heart
Close to her
Forever in her arms 

Thursday, November 18, 2010

To Me You Shall Come

Tears stream down your pale cheeks
You look to me, and I say
Come to me


I can help you
Take away your pain
Come to me


Let me kiss your soft wrists
Leaving behind crimson tears; please
Come to me


Hold me close, I love you
Let me express my feelings
Come to me


You need me, darling
If only you will let me help
I beg you..Come to me

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Cassandra

Her Flesh, pale
Warm velvet
Her Voice, sweet
Liquid smoothe
Her Eyes, bright gems
Of grey-green
 She smiles
My heart melts

She's Beautiful
Unknowingly so
Her hair
Short, dark
Ink-dipped wheat
Dreams,
Fantasies even
Of those soft, thin lips

Forbidden love,
It seemed
I just wish, darling
That I could have known you
Such an elegant angel
Never to be touched
Only to be gazed upon;
My personal
Porcelain doll? 

Constantly

Thinking of you
But when it comes time
To speak my mind
Confess my love
Tell you how I feel
I can't think
I can't speak
A loss for words
You mean so much to me
That I can say
You, lover, are
The very air I breathe
The first and last thought
Of my every day
And truly, 
I can't imagine
A world without you
My darling, my love

May I be
completely, scarily
honest?
You are the one
I want to share my life with
My every emotion with
Even, yes
Even my yucky oat cookies with

You are everything to me. 

Monday, November 15, 2010

It's Real?

A girl smiles
In love
Or lust?
She sees him
The contours of his face
The glint in his eyes as he smiles
How the muscles in his back look
As he stretches to wrap his arm
Around her shoulders
The face he makes
As he reaches climax
His hair, how it falls over his face
After he gets out of the shower

Is he the one?
Or just one among many?

He comes up behind her
Wraps his arms around her
He buries his face in her hair
Love
She thinks
Is what this is
For once
She wants more
More than sex
More than passion
For once
She wants him
And all that he is
She loves him
And for once

It's mutual. 

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Forever Mine


I saw an angel last night
She was by the side of the road
Broken, bleeding
She had fallen
And the monsters
Those cruel beasts
They caught up to her
Tore her apart
And left her there
For me to find

I came to her
Took her home
Touched her bloody back
Where wings had once rested
I kissed her wounds
Determined to fix her
This abandoned misfit

However
Not all the monsters left
She followed the angel
With her snake-like tongue
Her razor sharp claws 
Her poisonous fangs
She changed her
Made the angel her own

Made the angel stray
I tried to save her
Help her kill her demon
Then hide the body
She was my angel, 
Not the monsters'
Forever Mine
'Till death do us part

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Hidden


The monster found me last night
She tried to tempt me,
Tried to change me
She reached out her claws,
Sharp like glass
Her fangs glistened like crystal
Ready to bite me,
To drain the life out of me
She nearly won
I gave in,
Showed her my weaknesses
But all I could hear was your voice,
See your face
Thought how you would react
If you knew what went on,
Knew my shame
Disgusted, I slayed the monster
Slaughtered her like the beast she was
And now I hide the carcass
With everything else,
Stowed away in my closet
Under my bed,
Behind closed doors,
Where she belongs
Where they all belong
Where I belong
Hidden